Whoever live and believe in me (I) will never die.
Whoever live and believe, I will never die.

It's been many hours since I last slept. Yesterday I woke up early in the morning and went to work. Afterwork I came home and watch movies, play games... late night I talked with my lady over the phone and we didn't sleep. We couldnot sleep. After a very long hours of talk, I decided to drive to GB anyway. I started driving at about 4:30 AM and got to GB at about 7:30 AM. I went to Walmart to a electric shaver and then went to my lady's house. I took the group: her mom, herself, and three others to the tournament.


It's been a hot day at the tournament. I am very tired from not having enough sleep. Now I am going to sleep at GB's house in the living room.

So much work to do but I feel so tired and bored. I need some sugar or something to boost my motivation

I think I am going to start having something sweet in my office.

When I was much young, I also wanted to know my future. I always tried to find out what my future holds. The joy of wanting to know my own future was so great that I ended up studying astrology for a few years. After a few years of studying, I did the best calculation I could to figure out how my future will be like. Lady, was I glad to know that I would have to work really hard to get what I want in life? For some people, they are more fortunate. Their fortune is easy. Wait and it comes to you. Mine? It's not the same. For everything I want in life, I have to work extra hard and go the extra mile to get it. And so I believe it that I have to work hard and I have been doing that since. Sometimes I get what I want to get, and sometimes I don't.

I have been living and doing what I was told to do and to live. Knowing that something which happened would happen. Like living today knowing tomorrow already. All events are planned and recorded in an agenda. One just live to fulfill it. Isn't that a challenging life? Sometimes I found it challenging, but sometimes it's really boring. And when you feel bored knowing your future, you start to sink down to earth again. I guess that's how most older people are. Growing up and growing down. Born laying and die laying. How would you like to know your whole future? How would you like to know that tomorrow your life will be in jeopardy? How would you want to know that you work hard to earn your living today because tomorrow you will suffer greatly? And you cannot change your destiny nor your destination. For every moment that you live, you must do and live accordingly to the prophecy. Like Jesus Christ, he must do what he did so would be nailed to the cross and let alone die to fulfill the prophecy. Sometimes I wonder if it is better to know the future before even start living it. But me, I like to wonder, but not knowing, and then when the time comes, face the challenge. I could say I like surprise!

To live a life according to what you were told to live is not a life of free will.

When I know that our world was drifting apart, I always came to the rescue to hold it in place again so we could go on to pursue what each of us wanted. Each time I pulled it all together, it only last long enough for me to collect myself. Soon thing fell apart again. But each time I came to the rescue, my heart grew weaker knowing that it would not stop. I should really try to remember all the time that I have had enough and more than I can handle, but it seems that my memory is not as good. The worst things that happened only last temporary, and I seem to forget it in time. I used to sing so my world would be at peace. My lyrics were magnetic. The gravity of my words would influence the drift coming in between. But now I feel that I won't do it again. I won't sing. I won't say a word or a thing to influence the final decision, the judgment. If I always sing my lyrics and say my words, how would I know that I was love and that it was true. How would I know the world I am living in is singing the samy lyrics and saying the same words to me, if I keep singing and hearing only the echo that it bounces back to me.

How would you know that someone you care truly loves you when you always ask that person to love you?

I will not sing again, but I will listen to the song which this world is singing to me. Only then would I know that "it" is my world and that "it" sings love to me.